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Thread: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

  1. #11
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    An Australian rugby fan, a South African rugby fan and a New Zealand fan are all in Arabia, sharing a smuggled crate of booze when, all of a sudden, Saudi police rush in and arrest them.

    The mere possession Of alcohol is a severe offence in Saudi Arabia, so for the terrible Crime of actually being caught consuming the booze, they are all sentenced to death!

    However, after many months and with the help of very good lawyers, They are able to successfully appeal their sentences down to life imprisonment.

    By a stroke of luck, it was a Saudi national holiday the day, their trial finished, and the extremely benevolent Sheikh decided they could be released after receiving just 20 lashes each of the whip.

    As they were preparing for their punishment, the Sheikh announced:
    "It's my first wife's birthday today, and she has asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping."

    The South African was first in line, he thought for a while and Then said:
    "Please tie a pillow to my back."

    This was done, but the pillow only lasted 10 lashes before the whip went through. When the punishment was done he had to be carried away bleeding and crying with pain.

    The Australian was next up. After watching the South African's Horror he said smugly:

    "Please fix two pillows to my back." But even two pillows could only take 15 lashes before the whip went through again and the Australian was soon led away whimpering loudly (as they do).

    The New Zealander was the last one up, but before he could say anything, the Sheikh turned to him and said:

    "You are from a most beautiful part of the world and your culture is one of the finest in the world. For this, you may have two wishes!"

    "Thank you, your Most Royal and Merciful highness", the Kiwi replied. In recognition of your kindness, my first wish is that you give me Not 20 lashes but 100 lashes."

    "Not only are you an honourable, handsome and powerful man, you Are also very brave".
    The Sheikh said with an admiring look on his face.

    "If 100 lashes is what you desire, then so be it. And your second wish"?

    "Tie the Australian to my back."
    [B][FONT=Arial]stell[COLOR="#FF0000"]a[/COLOR][COLOR="#008000"]s[/COLOR][COLOR="#0000CD"]c[/COLOR]apes[/FONT][/B] - LED lighting solutions for the Prosumer, Commercial and Entertainment Industries.
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  2. #12
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    The New Zealand Cricket Team....

  3. #13
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Vegemite......
    Bob
    ----
    I love the smell of solder flux in the morning....smells like Christmas magic...[URL="http://photobucket.com/setup-2008"]Set up Done!![/URL] [URL="http://www.vimeo.com/rlilly/videos"]Showtime!![/URL]
    (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) Ephesians5:9

  4. #14
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by rlilly View Post
    Vegemite......
    Now you've gone to far, knocking our vegimite
    Not that I eat the stuff;)
    Kevin Lang

    64 Channel Olsen 595 64 Channel Grinch 4 Xmus Ren16's

    Running Acer P4 3.0 GHz and 1.00GB Ram Win XP

  5. #15
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Americans apply vegemite like peanut butter.. 'Apply sparingly' is the key.
    [B][FONT=Arial]stell[COLOR="#FF0000"]a[/COLOR][COLOR="#008000"]s[/COLOR][COLOR="#0000CD"]c[/COLOR]apes[/FONT][/B] - LED lighting solutions for the Prosumer, Commercial and Entertainment Industries.
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  6. #16
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    <language>
    Last edited by kostyun; 10-12-2008 at 02:04 AM. Reason: language

  7. #17
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    I've never seen Vegemite anywhere in America.

    I wouldn't even known that disgusting stuff existed except for a trip down under years ago.

    My hat's off to the salesman that got the first person convinced to try it..... PHEW!
    Bob
    ----
    I love the smell of solder flux in the morning....smells like Christmas magic...[URL="http://photobucket.com/setup-2008"]Set up Done!![/URL] [URL="http://www.vimeo.com/rlilly/videos"]Showtime!![/URL]
    (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) Ephesians5:9

  8. #18
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by rlilly View Post
    I've never seen Vegemite anywhere in America.

    I wouldn't even known that disgusting stuff existed except for a trip down under years ago.

    My hat's off to the salesman that got the first person convinced to try it..... PHEW!
    Bob,
    I have some here with me in North Carolina. I take it you would like some from your Secret Santa for Xmas?

  9. #19
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by wjohn View Post
    Bob,
    I have some here with me in North Carolina. I take it you would like some from your Secret Santa for Xmas?
    I guess I have been naughty this year, I probably deserve that along with a switch and lump of coal.....LOL!
    Bob
    ----
    I love the smell of solder flux in the morning....smells like Christmas magic...[URL="http://photobucket.com/setup-2008"]Set up Done!![/URL] [URL="http://www.vimeo.com/rlilly/videos"]Showtime!![/URL]
    (for the fruit of light is found in all that is good and right and true) Ephesians5:9

  10. #20
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    Default Re: Best Aussie and Kiwi Jokes

    Quote Originally Posted by rlilly View Post
    I've never seen Vegemite anywhere in America
    I have. They sell it in the imported food section at our local grocery store. It's kind of weird to see something from Kraft be imported.

    I actually like it. My roommate in college turned me on to the stuff. It's great with melted cheese.
    Last edited by omzig; 10-11-2008 at 10:22 PM.
    Don

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